Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Take a seat, more coffee?

Thanks for hosting us on your blog, Alice! I’m not much of an interviewer, so I’ve brought along someone with a little bit more experience in that line of work: Channel Two News reporter Henry Haskins, from Jezebel. He’ll be interviewing Lt. Jack Simpson and Animal Control Officer Sarah Hill. Go ahead, Henry—and this time, try not to start a fight.

Henry: I don’t start fights, I just finish them.

Gordon: Yeah, I’ve noticed—the fight is over when you’re lying there unconscious.

Henry: Don’t you have something better to do, like writing a sequel starring me? Okay, anyway, I’ll be interviewing Tony Parker’s best friend and his gorgeous, young assistant. Tony Parker is the so called “protagonist” from our story. If you read between the lines, you’ll see that the real hero is me…but we’ll let that slide until the sequel, then the truth will be known.

Jack: Okay, Henry, enough stroking your own ego. Let’s get on with this interview.

Henry: Interesting that you’d say that, Simpson. Sarah, I hear you’re pretty good at stroking Tony Parker’s, ah…ego.

Sarah: What happened between me and Tony is none of your business. Now, are we going to talk about the incredible suspense and tension in Jezebel?

Henry: Well, tension…yes. Let’s talk about the tension between you and Tony’s wife, Julie. Don’t you think that what happened between you and Julie’s husband is her business, too?

Sarah: Look, Julie and I worked things out…that’s old business. Tony’s an attractive man. He finds me attractive. We work eight to twelve hours a day together. Things happen sometimes that maybe shouldn’t. But we worked through those things, and now everything’s fine.

Henry: Really? I don’t think that’s what Julie would tell me if she were sitting here.

Jack: Haskins, get on with the interview. Why don’t you ask me a few questions? Ask me about my relationship with Tony? Did you know we met on the football field during a high school game. We were on opposing teams and tempers heated up during a play. He and I got into a bit of a shoving match. Funny thing was, when we parted, we were both laughing and we’ve been great friends ever since—over twenty years.

Henry: Yeah, he called you the so called “N” word, didn’t he?

Jack: That’s beside the point. Like I said, tempers were flaring and the main thing was that we were able to turn things around and become best friends. If I recall, I called him a couple of names, too. As far as I’m concerned, you can’t say anything against Tony that will stick. Sure, he’s human, he has his faults, but he’s the best friend anyone could ever have—he’d do anything for me, or anyone else he cares for.

Henry: Uh-huh. Well, I heard he didn’t do enough for you when you were trapped inside the top floor of the Epic Center. I heard that….

Sarah: Henry, stop. You’re getting off track. We’re supposed to be talking about how intense Jezebel is. How deep the characters are and how involved the plot is, with all its twists and turns. Let’s talk about Jezebel—how about it?

Henry: All right, let’s talk about that big bitch. She is one scary dog. Vicious as Hell. If Parker were doing his job as Animal Control Director, Jezebel wouldn’t have ever killed it’s master—wouldn’t have killed, what, over a dozen people?

Sarah: As usual, you have your facts all screwed up. Did you even read the story? Jezebel wasn’t vicious. She was as gentle as any dog could possibly be. She loved her master dearly. And that old man loved her and her mate, Beelzebub, like they were his own children.

Henry: Yeah, right, and that’s why she tore his throat out while he was sleeping in his recliner—then she went on a murdering rampage that lasted weeks.

Jack: She did kill her master, Mr. MacGreggor, that is fact. But, if you’d look a little closer at the story, you’d find out she wasn’t in control of herself at the time. And the other deaths…well, you need to read the entire story to understand.

Henry: Jeez, are you saying the dog pleads temporary insanity? I’ve heard some whacko things, but that really takes the nut cake. Rumor has it that Jezebel was the leader of a pack of rabid dogs, responsible for dozens of deaths.

Sarah: Rabid dogs don’t run in packs, Haskins. Do you do any research before you do these interviews?

Henry: I researched a bit about you, my cute little dog catcher. You aren’t the cool kitty you make out to be. You obviously have some issues of your own. You’re more like an alley cat—I heard you bedded more cops than the police academy barracks…. Now, wait a minute, Simpson. You can’t do that, you’re an officer of the la—ow, oh. That hurts. You’re braking my arm.

Sarah: Perfect. Hold him right there and— Sarah to Jack (walking away): You really didn’t have to hold him for me.

Jack: I wasn’t holding him for you, I was going to slug him myself before you gave him that haymaker.

Haskins (on his knees and elbows, into the mike, looking at the camera): Uh…this is Henry… Haskins (cough, cough), Channel Two News…oh God, I got blood on my new white blazer. Cut…we can’t use this. It makes me look like an a-hole.

Cameraman: No, Henry; you make you look like an a-hole. Folks, if you’re interested in reading the real story, please check out Jezebel, by Gordon A Kessler. Also, please check out his book trailers on YouTube: Jezebel at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zHD9pmHOzk&feature=related; and Brainstorm at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eDjWJFbRdI. Also, you’ll find Gordon’s blog at: www.WMxBlog.com and his websites at: www.GordonKessler.com and www.ReadersMatrix.com.

He also has other blogs and websites for writers. And you can always find his books at any online bookstore, including Amazon, B&N, iBooks, Nook, etc. All three of his thrillers are currently on sale in eBook formats for only $.99—he’s trying to get those sales numbers soaring! Of course, you can find them in traditional paperback and hardcover at reasonable prices, as well. Thanks again for hosting the cast of Jezebel on you blog! Happy reading!

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